I will NEVER be able to do that !

I have thought the statement above so many times. Heard it from others as well. In the nursing world we hear that a LOT.  Either a person is amazed at the tasks we perform daily in the course of our work and tell us, or it is some kind of challenge we as individual nurses face.
Challenges , what I always used to consider problems continue to meet me every day,like all of us. I really am less inclined to accept not meeting these challenges these days. It is really funny how you can change your outlook on things. Do you avoid what is difficult for you, or do you seek it out ? Really what is the point in continuing to do something that you find easy ?
My work life is filled with difficult moments. People that are angry,frustrated and even scared. Very often they want someone to be mad at. That is sometimes me. Being a nurse, but also having also been a mother and a patient I try to keep perspective on this. There are times the day a person meets me is the worst day of their life. It is a day that they never forget, and somehow I remain part of that. And it remains part of me also.
But enough about that ...

My life away from work has been also filled with challenges. I have met many of them successfully the last year or so . Every success seems to make me stronger to face the next. It sounds very dramatic, but it is so rewarding to be able to do something you were certain you never could do because of weight, age, injury, or lets face it just lack of skill or the ever present lack of talent, LOL.
I often think of these as "physical" victories  and the work related as "mental" victories, but it all really comes down to strength and conviction .So they are not very different really.
One of my favorite quotations that I found is :

Strength is a matter of a madeup mind.   -----That is SO awesome !!!

So on the topic of challenges that I struggle to succeed at , one of my biggest has been one at the gym. I tried and failed continually for so long. I tried hard to remain faithful that someday,somehow I would be able to do it at least a little. Well I have recently gotten at least that far :) I don't think anyone knew just how much I have wanted to do it.
Some of you will know it as "elbows and toes" ,others will know it as a "plank". Whatever you call it,let me just say,it is very exciting to do it if you thought never could. I have a lot of those things lately ...

Strength : Mental or physical power,courage to achieve .

I Hate Fiesta

You know, I am trying hard to not spend much time "hating " anything. Boy it's a challenge sometimes. I happen to live in a city with a two week long Fiesta every Spring. I am not from here, so to me it's a time of traffic, lots of ridiculous injuries and drunk people. Oh, did I forget to mention the worst thing about it ? THE FOOD. OK, so the two week period is saturated with all the foods you had at the "Fair", "Carnival" or whatever it is called where you come from. The people I work with make a return to childhood pretty much every day and seem to really enjoy it.  With the exception of one particular item , I can pretty much leave it all.

Planning becomes a huge issue,because :
1.BUSY at work due to drunk people, carnival food and the previously mentioned ridiculous injuries.
2. The hospital cafe closes early to recognize the significance of the festivities mentioned above.( But I don't like their options anyway).
3.My Subway is across the damn parade route.
4. I am probably not going to actually leave the floor for 30 minutes anyway. Remember "ridiculous injuries".

So I will be dragging in the grocery bag with seemingly  enough supplies for the Duggar family, but no it's just for me and my twelve hours of heaven. Another problem with nursing and eating properly is the time constraints. So, I have found what works is multiple items that can be eaten standing at the nurse's station ,( I know, I know...you find a better way). And if it can fit in a styrofoam coffee cup, all the better.  Then of course, you have to eat. This has been a problem lately for me. Which then caused me problems in other areas of my life that I prefer to NOT to have problems in. Some readers will understand this statement, if you don't...do not be concerned.

So just to wrap this up, today's word is :

CORN DOG : which is defined as a frankfurter dipped in cornmeal batter before being fried in hot oil. Usually served on a stick.




My final thought :
Please make Fiesta end soon.

The Satisfaction of Sweat

I am off soon to work all night... have not been there a lot this week, so I really can't complain . I have had an awesome day already, so I will make it through whatever the night holds in store for me.

But to get back to the title of this "rant". I would never have believed anyone that said I would set my alarm for 0530 ( so I can eat ) ,leave my house at 0645 ,and travel twenty miles across my city to attend a bootcamp by 8am .This place has become  one of my favorite places anywhere.  I actually have been doing just that for a while... and LOVE it. An hour  or sometimes two :) spent with friends working harder than I ever thought I would or could . Just an amazing satisfaction in pushing yourself beyond what you think you are capable of. And I continue to be inspired by each person that is involved. We all have different backgrounds ,ages, challenges and experiences that we bring.  But when we are together ,the differences seem to disappear as we work toward  a common  goal.

So today the word I am thinking of is : Satisfaction
Simple definition actually : fullfillment, gratification ,contentment.


Satisfaction...and a LOT of sweat.

Just a Thought ...

Wow, what a great day. I seem to have a lot of those ...maybe I just look for what is good . I didn't always do that . Experiencing that good kind of tired. I have a lot of that too lately. It is completely different to end the day tired from making a difference in your own life , or falling into bed exhausted because today was just like every other day.

You have time for what you make a priority.

We are all capable of so much more than we ever thought was possible.

Blog : Day 3

Be very careful in what button you pick. Delete is very ,very close to publish.

How Do I Start ???

I am convinced that 90% of change is just in getting started. Why did it take me SO long to start ? Beats me. I wish I knew. I wish I had started sooner believe me. But ... I did start and thats what is important, for me or anyone.

I spent a lot of years going to work ( 12 hour nights) ,coming home,taking a shower and getting into my bed. Until it was time to do it all over again. I bet we all know people just like that. I was convinced that I was just " so tired" and could not possibly do anything else. Plus a night off was of course preceded by a day that I was already " so tired". Did not get much done. And just got bigger.

I had a bizarre idea in October of 2009 . I saw that there was a 5K and 1 Mile fun run/walk scheduled at the grounds of our local professional teams' arena. I thought, WOW, that would be cool if I did the mile . Walk, of course . So I set out to TRAIN. Yeah, really. I got out in my car and measured a mile in my neighborhood. Didn't look that far. Pretty quick in a car. That was enough for that day, I was going after it the very next morning. So out I went at about 0500---typical night-shifter, tied into my shoes, Ipod on. Well, 27 minutes later I returned to my house near death I thought. Sweaty, wheezing, seriously . Damn, that was farther than I thought ! And my neighborhood it seems, is much more hilly that I ever realized. But somehow I went again the next day. Same results... but I kept going.
How did the mile event go? I actually chickened out that morning. Said I didn't feel well, well yeah, thats the point ! But that thankfully was not the end of the beginning of change.

This brings me today's word:

Perseverance : Continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulty , failure or opposition.

( Also very cool , right?) 

I also just realized that I think I stole this word thing ....may need a disclaimer soon. But at least she knows I was listening  all this time :)   

How Did I Get Here ?

I am a nurse . This means I spend a great deal of time taking care of other people. I guess I never thought of at what cost to myself. Nurses as a general rule get a lot of satisfaction from taking good care of their patients. Why do we do so little to take care of ourselves ?
In 16 years I have worked in a variety of settings in the hospital. A place where "healthy" should be a standard.
Interestingly there is a great percentage of nurses who have been smoking for years, eating terrible food and continuing to gain weight. All at the time we as a group tell our patients how they should take care of themselves.
Weird, huh?
I can't judge what others do, but I can see them doing things I did, and I know how it turned out.
I am traveling down a the path to change... I have gone quite a few "miles" already, but it is a long and ever changing trip. I really don't know what got me to 358 pounds , but I can say what has changed to get me to 277 so far...

Tonight's Word :

CHANGE : to make something different from what it is , or what it would be if left alone.

( That's awesome ,isn't it ?)