2012 WTH Have I Done???

Well here we are again. I just reviewed last year's Wrap up and see that many issues remain unchanged.
Firsts: I had a... few this year. All of them documented here. I am proud of what I have done. I had hoped to accomplish more by this point, but life happens.

I have learned that the important part is to keep going.

This year has had it's share of disappointments and sadness. Probably more than it's share. I keep hearing how that makes us stronger, but it makes a fat person EAT. So I end this year weighing more than I started it.

Lucky for me I am more than a number.

My daily life and those in it have changed a great deal in twelve months. Most of this has been unexpected and quite an adjustment .
I had a brief time "home" recently and was reminded of the strong bond of dear, close friends. It is truly a special kind of love over the years. Some friends you learn are actually " people that you know", and some... are family.
But enough with all the depressing replay here. I have much in the works for the New Year. I am about three months into a project that will surprise a lot of people. I am enjoying this challenge and am very excited about the changes it will bring. Yeah, I can't wait....

So 2013: Let's review-
1. Live each day without regret.
2. Remember to put value on myself.
3. Who's approval do I seek? God's.
4. Continue to make good choices every day for myself . Choices that are positive for my health, my happiness and my emotional well being.

Hmmmm, that should be easy, right?

2013 ---- You "ain't seen nothing yet" !

Mud. Everywhere....

This post can be considered my post game Wrapup . You see it seems I am officially a Dirty Girl.
The Dirty Girl Mud Run has come and gone. I have never done anything quite like this. It consists of a 5K with obstacles. And a lot of mud. Wait, make that A LOT.
Obstacle 1: a giant inflated pyramid wall thing you climb up, over and down. The"Steps" are really about hip high, so this presents a challenge. I chose to step and then pull up onto the seam of the next... Hey it worked.
#2 A mud pit: not terrible, man made, about thigh depth- but wait a water cannon hits you while passing through...
#3 A giant mud lake... The fun part is the drop off. Surprise !!! I fell several times, as my goal was meniscus and ligament preservation . I was determined to NOT try to "save" any slip or slide, but land soundly on my rear end. This WORKED.
#4 after climbing a very steep hill, there is a wall to climb..... Again the first step is a b$&#%€. No other option but to pull myself up again to be able to get my other foot up. It's a little tricky at the top. You must swing one leg over and find a slat on the back ... So you can swing the other leg over and so on....
I really didn't think I could do it , and a random stranger behind me said "yes you can"------ seriously a bell rang in my head. And I did it, ha!
#54-56 (it felt like )were more mud. Crawling through metal pipes filled with muddy water, ok half full. And then a long mud pit you crawled or stayed on hands and knees under a net... I chose to be on my stomach and pull myself through. Surprise !!! Gravel. Really?
Next up : Walls to climb. Covered with you guessed it: MUD. First wall, had slats, second, third, fourth: nope, they were the "Haul your butt over " kind. ---And I did them! You see there are some activities that no matter how much fun and comraderie you experience , you get in the mindset that you are NOT. QUITTING .
More fun, more mud.... And then the beast I have been fearing: the cargo net climb. Oh , Lord I hate heights, and I am sure I hate falling more. But I figure I have come this far in my adventure. So I begin. And it sways, and is slippery, and holy cow it is so...HIGH. I keep telling myself to not look down. Well that is harder than you might think. I am near the top, maybe about five feet to go, and I freeze. I have never been this high on anything without an elevator or a pilot. And I don't want to keep going, and then I realize there is no other way out of this. And then I prayed. I am not really good at asking for help for myself... But seriously I just said "Help me". This may sound melodramatic, but I then looked across to the other side, and looked into the face of my friend Becky. I didn't say anything, but she looked at me and said " Keep going. You can do this" ----so I did. I made it over and down the other side. The down part btw is much easier... When I reached the ground, my whole team was cheering. And Becky was there crying.
So I cried too, I am like that, don't be alarmed....
We were just one more giant mud pit from victory , and then it was over.
There were pictures, laughter and memories of bonding together in one of the hardest things I have ever done.
Good Times, Dirty Girls. Good Times.

PS That is Becky in the front of the team picture.

It's Hard Out There For A Nurse...

Dang, it was NOT good at work this weekend. As I sit here blogging , I am recovering from two nights at work.
That may not sound like much to you, but you just had to be there.

Seventeen years of this has been bad for me. I realized at 11p I needed to fill my water cup. Really? We spend a lot of time tending to the needs of others to our own detriment . There really comes a time when you realize you can be no good to anyone else if you don't take care of yourself. ( reread that last line ).
How do you do it?
You need to PLAN.
1. First : bring your food. Even if you find something decent, it will cost 3x as much. You need healthy carbs for energy and protein to keep you going.
2. Drink your water. And then drink more. Many times thirst is mistaken as hunger.
3. Get up and walk around every hour if you are stuck at a computer . You need it! Stretch , move , you will feel so much better after just a few minutes.
4. Get some sleep. You will probably never get as much as a day shifter , but get it when you can.

5. Last on this short list: get some exercise. You may like it before work, or like me, on the way home. I spent so many years convinced I was too damn tired to hit the gym after work. I had no idea how much better I would feel working out AFTER work. I feel like the stress and frustration just sweats right out of me. And that is no small task.

I guess I should also add that we all need to remember what a gift every day is. It's up to us to make it great, or the best it can be. There is no promise of tomorrow .

Instead of a word, how about a picture?

My Adidas pants I bought TWO years ago.... Just now fit.
YES!!!!!

Twenty One Weeks to Go

Until what? I am beginning a project , I LOVE this s...tuff ...in my continued search for direction, routine and of course success, I have devised a plan!
Uh, at least a partial plan. A plan to travel past this intersection of What and Now.
I have a birthday in about five months. Twenty one weeks and a few hours to be exact . And it's a big one. It's the first one I have been at all concerned with. Thirty came and went, forty the same. Maybe , I suspect because I USED to be old. My so called youth, in some ways never was. Wouldn't trade my three babies for the world , but I never got to be just me. My choice at the time, but who knew then?

But as the saying goes " it is what it is".
And i am so blessed by my kids. Love them beyond measure.
But back to the impending doom, uh event. I have decided it is my project to get it together. Wrap this UP.
The time is NOW pretty much and it's up to me and me alone. Guess what, it was always up to me. I just forgot that for a while.

There are some exciting things I have planned for this project. I hope they all fall into place and I succeed , for me.

I will keep you updated .
Project Five-0, is NEXT.

Thankful

It seems like everyone is posting about the things they are thankful for as Thanksgiving approaches.
I am thankful for my family, my health and the chance to be a positive voice in the world.
I am blessed to have some very special people touch my life.
I am thankful for the people in my life who are genuine and true.
I am a person who values sincerity . I am thankful for people in my life who do also.

We Rocked, We Rolled...

The Rock n Roll Marathon came and went yesterday . I did the " Mini". It should be called " Almost a 5k"as it's 3 miles. It was fun to be honest. Just enough to participate. I mostly walked, I jogged a little. I am not supposed to really. But sometimes I just can't help myself. What's the point of trying if you can't do all those " never could " things?
So I jogged some. And it was great . My knees were fine! I know they are basically junk, but yesterday , they were fine. And I wasn't out of breath, and I wasn't the biggest one there. You know we big girls look FIRST for that.

Strangely I felt at home. This from a girl who would do anything to get out of PE as a kid. I look around at an event, and mind you I am not the youngest, thinnest or fastest by any stretch of the imagination. But I belong there. Because I get it, and what it means. I am no longer uneasy in those places . Because i now know my biggest competition will forever be myself.

I do it, because I CAN , whatever it may be that day.

And yesterday , it was awesome.

November Already ? Really...

Well Blogworld, I again have been absent from you for a long time.

Somewhere down deep, I remember my Mom saying " If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".  I would paraphrase to change that to "positive".
Hence the absence.

My favorite time of year has not gone exactly as expected. But I think it has been a true test of my committment and dedication. And you know how I love the tests! The truth is when all is said and done, any change needs to be for yourself and you are the only one who can do that.

Livestrong Challenge Austin 2012

I survived ! Ok, while I have spent many years telling the BabyDaddy that he just sits down for his sport, there seem to be some tricks to that sport of cycling.
1. There are others nearby WHILE you do it.
2.They are really close.
3. Cars travel within feet of your body.

All of that aside , I had a mostly great time with more than 4000 others doing the same. There were people from all over the world doing the same. I was not the biggest which is something a fat person looks for first. I had the free beer and wish I had two, LOL. ( And I don't even like beer).
Another personal win, another opportunity to show, "Yes, I can" .

Daily Grind.....

This is really where it happens. While it is lots of fun, to have a race bib,  packet pickup, Facebook postings of recent "badassness"....that is not the important part really. The daily get up and go do something is hard, after work , after not enough sleep. You get the idea. What you continue to do when there is nobody watching you or for that matter yelling at you. That's my favorite part you might remember.

So I am spending time planning: what I do each day, changing the plan and trying to cover all the bases so to speak and allowing for rest and recovery as well. That is harder than you might think, but that is the page I am on , so I plan on bringing it.


UP NEXT !!!

It is race week here! The Rock n Roll Marathon comes to town. My amazing daughter is participating in the Half Marathon ...13.1 miles she has trained hard for . I made certain to be off for this event. My daughter it seems has the tightest leg muscles imaginable and I am sure I will be stretching her legs on some random sidewalk downtown for a while that morning. Additionally I will be giving the verbal pregame portion ,with everything I can remember to tell her.

I got so wrapped up in Marathon Mania, I signed up for a new somewhat lesser participatory level. The Rock n Roll Mini Marathon. Yes, really. I wish it was called an "almost 5K". But it is not , so I will go after it and do my best as this is a sports medicine doctor approved distance for me  . And I get to participate with the before mentioned awesome daughter, at least a little.

More to follow SOON !!!!

Goals, Goals....Can I finally meet them ?

Back on track and making plans. Lots of plans in fact. I have you see, a tremendous amount of catching up to do .

First plan : a mud run. Why you may ask? Because I have always wanted to do one. I am thinking it will be just one probably. And this one does not require you to have Special Forces skills. Have a great and varied group of coworker peeps that will be doing the Dirty Girl Mud Run on December 1st. This should be awesome.

Plan 2: Somehow I have managed to avoid any activity requiring two wheeled conveyances. As you may remember the BabyDaddy practically lives on a bike. And I am happy to say I will be doing the Austin Livestrong Challenge in October. Yes...on a bike. Seriously. Lucky I enjoy adventure.

Yes, that's what it looks like, LOL.

Hanging in with this crazy journey I am on...looking ahead to successes and doing all the things I have ALWAYS wanted to do. Because it is NEVER too late. I think I am already proof of that.

Yes I AM STILL Here ....

Well, it has been a long time since I have written. My summer started out very well with personal challenges on track and family celebrations . Then things took a turn. Life does happen to us all.

I found that my beloved companion , best buddy dog, 12 year old Bristol was dying. I can't begin to describe the sadness I felt losing her after loving her since she was age 4 weeks. If you are a pet lover I need not say more.

I have been faced with other challenges as well. It is difficult when you begin to see your parent failing...and you take on the parent role in that relationship.

I traveled a bit this summer (good times), and dealt with illness of my own. It is a very frustrating thing to not be able to do the things that make you happy, that are your therapy because you want to lay in your bed. Luckily surgery entered the picture shortly after I was not able to manage my work schedule .

But I am on the way back ! I feel I am getting stronger each day and hope to soon be doing what I was able to earlier in the summer.
With respect to weight that has been a roller coaster of sorts. How? you may ask.. well from the " I am sad I think I will have onion rings " to the very unpleasant hormones I was placed on ....and don't even get me started on how much each bag of IV fluid will add on the scale until your body FINALLY catches up. Seriously, just avoid  the scale postop.

But the one thing I have learned is that the road we are on is never guaranteed to be smooth, and sometimes the bumps come really close together. It is important to just hang on until you can get it together again.

                                                           Bristol

Mushed, Rolled and Taped 2.0

Visit two update! Well I must say the Wong Baker scale was tilted much farther to the right this time.

My post 1st treatment experience was good, with my leg feeling much better...then 2.0.
It seems the treatment on top of bruising from the first visit contributes to the discomfort- makes sense I guess.
Also the evaluation prior to treatment caused other regions of said leg to be included.
If I may offer some advice, if you currently are not familiar with an area of your body known as an ilio-tibial band- it is best if you never need to.
All in all, I feel quite well today. So again trusting in the process I still think it is great. Let the facia be afraid !

Wrap-up:

Downside: ITB Foam Rolling !
Upside : Well, we already discussed that.
Tape: Hot Pink, baby...

Happy Nurses Week

Well this is Nurses Week.

 I have been an RN since 1995. I am proud of what I do, and I am pretty good at it, at least I think I am. But nursing has been  troubling to me quite often lately.
While the numbers of patients is always changing, the number of staff ...well the team has to work harder and hopefully together. Some days its very difficult to do it the way I think it should be done.

On a personal note ,when I find that I make bad food choices, it is almost always at work. If I am going to slip at all into old patterns it will be in that stressful environment. There is no set time to do anything. Eventually you will likely get a break, but when is the question. I am a good planner almost always on taking things that can be snacked on during the twelve hours...but it must be nice to enjoy an actual meal that is healthy and good tasting.
You should see the water bottle I carry in every night...my night can also be gauged by how much is or is not left in that 50 ounce bottle.

It is never an easy job... we spend a too large amount of our time witnessing the inhumanity of humanity. Someone does need to be there at those times to fight for those who can't fight for themselves, although quite often that comes too late. I am sure these experiences change us all.
I know they have changed me.

So consider that a nurse was there:

When you were born,
Monitoring you while you were sedated when they fixed your broken arm,
Receiving you from the ambulance staff when you came into an ER after a car accident,
Calling your parents when you were injured ,drunk or stupid at Spring Break,
Handing you your newborn baby for the very first time,
Medicating  your mom after her surgery,
Sitting with your Grandpa while he died and praying for him,
And too many other scenarios to ever name.
In fact it is  very likely a nurse will be one of the last faces you also see...


So Happy Nurse's Week to my sisters and brothers out there. You do a job every day that a coffee mug  or a pizza night will never be an adequate acknowledgement... even though the acknowledgement is unspoken ,but understood by all of us.

Mushed, Rolled and Taped

My knees and I are not friends. They are a source of constant challenges in my life for the last few years. If your knees are an issue, often other surrounding areas also join the party of giving me a hard time for lack of a better term.Luckily I am a stubborn person who has stopped giving up.

And this is how I had my first experience with Airrosti on the recommendation of a friend.

After a history is completed the exam begins.This is followed by manipulation of the areas that I originally complained about. Think deep tissue massage x10. Uncomfortable yes, but intolerable no.
I luckily am a believer in the process... when this portion was done , demonstration of flexibility, strength and so forth is then repeated. And it really was easier. (AWESOME).

I am then transferred into the second phase which includes foam rolling and stretches. If you know me in the non-blog world, you know that I LOVE stretching. Apparently I did well at this portion .

This is followed by being taped. Interestingly I am given color choices for this which include pink, tan and black and blue. I find the black and blue options very humorous...and say so.
I settle on tan as a first timer.

For my nurses:

It all still feels well a day later, a bit sore to the touch. The tape is still on ,and I am drinking water and icing my leg. Wouldn't hesitate to go again...in fact I am already scheduled.


Worst during treatment pain scale : ummm : 6
After treatment : 0-1

Long Time,No Blog

Well, it has been a long time hasn't it? Four months it seems. What can I say to get us all up to speed....
No events to report. Knees don't really improve,although much can be done to everything that surrounds them, LOL.
The often mentioned Bootcamp is now about six weeks into it's annual hiatus. So I am doing lots of different things to stay busy,active and hopefully progressing.
I am now at 114 pounds lost at last count. I am looking ahead to 150...but I suppose I should focus on 120 first :)

Work challenges : Still there.It is not an easy thing to be a nurse. Even if you are good at it.
Family : I am very blessed to have a great one.
Friends : I have a circle of friends that I adore. Some people have reminded me of the difference between friends and aquaintances...and that ultimately is a good thing.Refer to work challenges above.

We made it through Fiesta without a post this time. Or a corn dog.

I am looking forward to a great morning. I will likely post after an appointment I have today. I am sure I will have something to say about the struggle of being a midlife jock :)

So the journey continues....