WTH Have I Been??

I can't believe I haven't written on here in SO long....but I guess today is a great day to close it out for 2011.

Probably nobody is reading this by now, but here goes. I have been busy. The return of Bootcamp,the lack of sleep and just general work fun have occupied me for the last couple months.  Late 2011 achievements, hmmmm....
1. I have now worked my way up to Mon to Friday Bootcamps. ( This IS a big deal).
2. I did the Rock N Roll SA 1/2 Marathon Relay with my daughter.
3. I just completed a "mini" TRI with two camp buddies--250/8/2...a big deal for me, even if no one else.
4. I managed to get BOTH knees MRI'd this year, but lefty leads arthroscopy 1-0.

5. AND I managed to get to the 100 lb loss mark, and a bit beyond about a week ago. WOO!

While I certainly believe in goals. I am not a fan of resolutions after not keeping any for my entire life. I  think if you truly want to do something,  January first is just like any other day. You could certainly begin on ANY day. If you mean it.

So for 2012 I hope to just be better every day, whatever that means. I hope to believe in myself even more and feel less the need for approval of others. When it comes down to it, we are really responsible to get it done alone, because no-one is going to do it for us.

Happy New Years and A Successful New Year to You All !

Monday...An Unscheduled Off Day

Rest day continues...I would have gone today, but apparently my gym had a traumatic injury. In the ER we would term it Car vs Building. Not sure how the car fared, but I am guessing not well, considering the damage to my gym.
This was disappointing, can you believe I traded my work schedule around to sleep before today's camp. UGHH ! If it's not one thing ,it's another.
So I am finishing my second day off and have completed the total of NOTHING to share in the way of progress. Funny how I spent years and years doing exactly that and it did not bother me at all.
Well it bothers the hell out of me now.
So I am hoping all is well for an attempt tomorrow at camp. If not I guess I will have to find something to do, somewhere.
Today's word : Confident .....Because that is exactly what I am that my last four days will turn around and my week will be : AWESOME

American HeartWalk Team from work

10/22/2011

RNRSA Countdown: 19 days !!!

Sometimes A Rest Day is OK....

An update : lessons learned this week...1.good things come to those who wait 2. you better be ready when the waiting stops, LOL.
Ah, Bootcamp. The often mentioned,nearly as often whined about Bootcamp. Of course the whining is usually related to the absence of it, but anyway....
This has been a great week, Bootcamp has been a much anticipated, sweat producing event twice this week that was definitely not disappointing. Sometimes it has been my experience that when you wait a long time for something, it often is not exactly as we hoped. Not true of camp .Camp is different, but continues to be awesome. The perfect fix for months of  ,well... monotony. I am perfectly capable of working out, putting the time or miles alone or with my assorted group of workout partners, but that will never be like  camp with these chicks.
Now, we come to the "rest" part... I am weathering this return to camp pretty well, but for some reason I find my knees are doing the complaining now. Those of you who know me are aware that something is always an issue at least a little.But will that stop me? Of course not. But I have decided to take today to rest up and do the cardinal rule of camp and all activity apparently : Listen to my body. That is getting easier, mostly. Back to the whining....
A long weekend ahead of my other life as a Nurse is ahead. Dear residents of my city, county and so forth, please try to not be stupid... and wreck my weekend. Seriously.

Looking forward to a great week next week... more training for the RnR that is 22 days away now. I hope my partner is continuing her training in Austin. At least a little. But if not, we will get her up to speed this coming week anyway.

So I close with a quote I am stealing from the fine folks at ESPNW. And I am not sure if it is stealing ,as I just gave them credit anyway:

"There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going "


That is definitely true.

We Are Back !

Welcome to the VERY best time of the year. I am having a great week. If we start with Saturday, I had a lovely weekend in Austin. Participated in the Livestrong Challenge 5k with my kids, and then cheered on the BabyDaddy as he made his comeback from a cycling accident two weeks before as he completed the 65 mile ride on Sunday.
I got to visit P Terrys twice and enjoy  their chicken burger. You really need to try it if you never have. Delish.
Discovered where Dripping Springs is, nice folks, small town.And had a fantastic time at Zilker Park, They have a great running trail there that I so enjoyed when I had a few hours to burn by myself.
And the today it only got better. The return of bootcamp. Oh, bootcamp,how long I have waited for you. Great fun time sweating and running with others,led by the best ever.( Luckily she is I believe far, far behind in reading my blog, so this should not embarrass her). This is going to be an awesome time I am sure. Today was intense, but so fun at the same time.
There is something so gratifying about just putting yourself OUT there, pushing hard and then harder... it is amazing what we are capable of when we just try.
As you can tell, I love bootcamp...the first day I went quite a while ago now I can say with all honesty was a turning point in my life. My life has already changed more than I could ever imagine, and I am not finished yet!

So the end of this post finds me needing some Motrin, really needing some ice, and completely and totally believing that "I Can". And that feels awesome.

Dear October,

Dear October,

My faith in Fall has been restored for a number of reasons. I had a really great night at work. Seriously. That alone is an amazing statement.
I had a trauma bed that stayed empty. I had an injured football player that was absolutely fine and was cleared from collar and backboard quickly.
I had a completely hysterically funny moment

that I will not soon forget.Also that does not happen often.

I sat and ate lunch at 0120, not 0330. Actually had decent food, that was great for me.

I decided to grab a coffee and sandwich on the way to the gym. That is not normally a wonderful thing, but as I passed the ramp to the highway that I ALWAYS take to the gym from work, a car was traveling the wrong way. Glad to have not gone that way today.

I had Day Two of testing my foot at the gym with pretty good success. Achey a bit and a little stiff, but OK. Used my Nike App and had a pretty good time for me. I am not exactly fast my most people's standards. But I am much faster than I used to be. In fact since my "new life" has begun, a mile takes me just about ELEVEN minutes less than it used to. Oh. Yes. You heard right.

And last ,but certainly not least I found out that the return of Bootcamp is imminent. And as you may have learned here ,that is probably my very favorite time of year.

Looking forward to the Livestrong Challenge this weekend with my whole family. Mom and kids at the 5K on Saturday...remember Kris you said next time we should actually try for more than just completion...and the BabyDaddy at the Ride on Sunday. Two years ago I would have laughed in the face of anyone that predicted this. HA!!

No doubt there will be pictures documenting this event posted next week.

I leave you with a new quote I just am crazy about :

"Be better than you were yesterday". Pretty simple, huh?

What a great day.

October...So This Is How Its Gonna Be...

The anxiously awaited OCTOBER has arrived. Kids are back in school, football is back- finally a sport I understand ,can make intelligent comments about and suggest next plays which actually work,
The air is cool in at least the morning, my grass isn't quite as crunchy and it's just a more pleasant time of year.
My daughter and I registered for the Rock N Roll Marathon Relay and the website immediately showed SOLD OUT ! So we barely made it in it seems. All was going so well until ... October 1st : The BabyDaddy wrecked off the bike on a training ride on the highway....and October 2nd : I hurt my FOOT. NO, not my knee, that is fine. NO, not my ankle of Austin Marathon fame. My FOOT.
I freaking need that I tell you.
Made it through the 3rd unscathed, now we have reached the 4th. I am so hopeful that you will turn around for me October.

So today I leave you with : RICE, not fried, not Uncle Ben's, but the famed
R.est I.ce C.ompression E.levation kind. And when I get up from a post work nap , I am sure it will be at least a little better.

An Open Letter to Parents

There are so many things I wish I could say : however the need for a paycheck prohibits this often. Nobody is a nurse without truly wanting to impart some knowledge. Sadly often it seems we are faced with people who seem to not have a desire to learn to function independantly.
So here goes:
1. Never forget this is YOUR child. He didn't ask to come. Therefore he is YOUR responsibility.
2.Do not tell me you have not given him anything for pain and in the same breath "he has been hurting so bad for days".
3.He is crying all night ,and " I just can't get any sleep" is a stupid chief complaint. Please refer to #1.
4. Sometimes babies cry. Period. No matter what you do.
5. Either give a dose of medication or don't. It makes no sense to give "just a little bit, afraid to give too much". Giving the above is useless. Again give it, or don't.
6. Please memorize the birthday. I personally could not care less if you have eight kids and its hard to remember. My favorite basketball team has an eleven woman roster, and I can tell you first and last, number,position,college attended...you get the idea.
7. Never tell your kid regarding the Motrin I am giving ,(that you didn't)"drink it, it is candy). See you again soon for an ingestion when I am charcoaling your kid.

That is about it for now... I am hopeful that I will see some additions to this list from the readers. Where are my nurses out there????? Remember no names and no identifiers, LOL....that way a personal opinion stays just that :)

No word, no quote this time. Just wishing that in addition to improving the outcome and care of our patients we had the ability to make the family realize every child is a gift. You are truly blessed to have them. They deserve so much more than many of them ever get. Its "all about you" only until you CHOOSE to have THEM. Period.

A JLA Update

Well, longtime no blog I guess. Seems to be a trend with the blogs I follow as well. Maybe we are all busy DOING, rather than talking about it. So THAT is a good thing I guess.

The recovery is going so well, I think it is about over. We will of course find out for sure with the eventual return of the non-summer activities. You can certainly push yourself, but its entirely different to be pushed.
My surgeon told me at the 7 week followup " whatever you get out of the knee by 3 months is about it". I chose to take that as a challenge of course. So I increased the degree of difficulty to pretty far beyond what I could do before my injury. And I am confident that I can push farther.
In the what's new department : Running on the treadmill. For real . And I didn't die. (yet, anyway).
And best of all, my knee was fine.
(Large section, just deleted. Focus on the positive! )
I am beginning to think I may not be very good at this solitary pursuit stuff. But ...one foot in front of the other . Easy to say, somewhat harder to do on some days.
And on that note, I would say its time to get back out of this house and hit the trails. New shoes and a charged IPOD, who needs more?

Not a word today, but a quote:
" no matter how much time you feel you have wasted or lost, it is never too late to make the very most of the moment you are in".-----Ralph Marston

Another Small Victory

Just a brief mention of today's highpoint. Since prior to the meniscus incident of this summer I have been spending time on an item called the Incline Trainer (made by Freestyle). This is a deadly machine that can kill in so many ways. You can adjust the incline to 30%, decline to -3%. It has multiple programs available... I am kind of a "manual" girl as you may have guessed. Well, TODAY I was able to get that thing to 30% incline. TRUE, not for long ( a minute but who is counting) and then I dropped it back to 26, but I did get it there. I may sit on icebags tonight, LOL at work, but hey: it's a milestone. I did 40 minutes all told on this beast. Not quite up to the hour I could do in May...but I continue to work on it.

Just trying to get better  and  BE BETTER . And that is precisely the goal.

The JLa Update...for what its worth...

Long time no read, I guess ... Well things have been busy of course. Suffering through it seems like the 400th day of at least 100 degree temperatures. But I have been creative in finding workout plans.
Amazing how many people are out in the complete darkness to get their workout in. I  have spent a lot of time at a school track near my home. After dark. Very pleasant outside,haha.

Currently doing a Month of Cardio with a friend. In the final week now. It has been good. I in fact have loved every or almost every minute of it. Still trying to get to where I was , so I can again move forward. I think I am close.

Experiencing injections in my knees right now,which I have done previously last year. Cannot say enough good things about it. A little unpleasant at the moment, but SO worth it . And proud to report one side is done ! Yay, Hyalgan ! Three more injections on the other and I will have knees that are feeling about twenty years younger for about a year.

Best of all, this will be in time for the return of BOOT CAMP  this fall. Not sure when , but I plan on being ready ! There is truly nothing better.
Also looking ahead to the Rock n Roll  Marathon. Planning on the the Half Marathon Relay with my daughter- and to think some moms and daughters just go shopping, HA! So excited. What a GREAT experience to share together.

What hasn't been going well? Hmmm, the elliptical trainer comes to mind. But I am staying after that. I realized I have been doing it last...not a great plan probably. So I have rearranged, LOL. Not planning on being beaten. And I have already doubled my time, so its all good I guess.

Work has been,well it has been work, Happy to be at work,employed and so forth. But like any work, it has its very frustrating moments for many reasons. I just try to look at small moments when I teach a family something that will hopefully make a difference however small in their life. Nurses really are there for the "moments" in a patients life. Might be silly (erasers in the nose), traumatic, or sometimes even the last moment. At those times you realize every small thing is huge in how we impact this family. We do not forget those moments.

Which is why as I ponder things I realize that life is a beautiful gift. There are good days, crummy days and some  in between. You get out of it, what you put in. You have the opportunity to make your life and yourself whatever you want. So its all your choice.Never miss an opportunity to tell people what they mean to you.  Love big, laugh loud and play HARD.

This time not a word, but a quote :

"You just can't beat a person who won't give up" ---Babe Ruth
( yeah, you KNOW I love that)

The Longest Summer,Or At Least in the Top Three (1988,2006,2011)

Well, it has been a long time since I blogged. Not sure if it was for lack of things to say or lack of time.
For those of you that have read here before, let me bring you up to date.
1.Back to work.
2.Back to working out ...sort of.
3.Completed Physical Therapy.
4. Summer...UGHH

With regard to number one: I am delighted to be back at work,because I, like so many of you NEED MONEY. Of course the work place also has issues, crazy people,and even crazier clientele. But in my absence it seems the overwhelming problem of childhood obesity has not been solved. So my place as a radical warrior on the front is as needed as ever.

Let's address Number Two: Working out. I do workout every day. But it is very different than it was prior to my injury. True I was just greenlighted by my surgeon three days ago, but P.T. had done the same the week prior.I find myself mostly walking at the HS track near my house as I have in my recovery. Earlier in the year, I spent more time at the gym,and seemed to have a much faster pace. But I guess I am getting there.The official word was "we expect you should be completely back where you were by eight weeks". Really. ? Completely back or completely able to be back I wonder. Because that is four days away.Hmmm. I just may be behind.

Number Three : I did complete P.T.    It was hard,challenging and rewarding. I found out I could do squats and not have my leg snap into pieces. I learned even more that its not so much about working the injured area, as it is working EVERYTHING around it. To of course help the previously mentioned area.I learned that after many years as a rehab nurse and ortho nurse, those patients were working hard to do what each could do at their own level. Whatever that might have been.
And I must say here also that I learned just because a surgery is completed by way of an arthroscope,you should not minimize its importance. No such thing as " Ha, it's just a scope".

Number Four: Summer. How damn long can this summer go on I ask you? This has been one long, HOT beast if you ask me. It is not my favorite time of year .I will leave it at that.

I am blessed to have some awesome friends that have stuck by me this summer. People to attend events with, people that meet me to walk, people that help me keep the ball rolling so to speak motivationally. I tend to suffer sort of a "slump" this time of year. I am desperate to not do that this year. I lost a couple months already I feel in my plan at least, so of course I just don't have time for that. I am really focusing on going in the right direction,regaining what I have lost (abilities not pounds of course), and continuing on the path. Some days that is easier than others, but I still keep going.

I can't decide if the word should be "persevere" again? So I am choosing "Strength". I won't give you the definition this time. I have found it can mean many different things. I have had to draw on my own strength  to continue, to try, and  to focus on what my goals are that I reach for.

So I am not going anywhere,but forward.

Not A Great Patient

Hello Strangers,
I am amazed at just how long it takes to fix something that happened so quickly. Well, I suppose the underlying cause was not so quick, but my gosh.
I have been busy,back at work, that includes a moderate amount of BS of course. Also many really great friends and support so I take the good with the annoying like anything.
I am HALFWAY with my RX for P.T. I actually am enjoying it...did I mention I LOVE a challenge? I am somewhat frustrated by what is challenging to me though. Oh well, I guess I have not run out of projects this summer as I am one neverending project.
Yesterdays report from P.T., doing well, about 50% of the way to being all the way back. What? Yeah, thats what I thought.
Someone told me the other day "Wow, you seem to be doing really well". Hmmmm, I guess so. However I am doing is because I am not settling for less than I had. Whatever that takes. Because where I was before, was not at the finish line. I don't think I will ever be at a point where I cannot continue to improve,but I know that we are nowhere near there yet.
SO, we continue on the path...some more.
Looked for a quote for this today,and here it is :

Winning isn't everything.Wanting to win is. ( Vince Lombardi)

Not sure why that is the one I chose, but I like it. A. LOT.

Saw This And Loved It

Well, as expected RECOVERY  ,the side trip on the Journey has been a bit trying. But wonderful at the same time. I have not had as much to complain about, and have been too busy taking the apparently necessary baby steps to get it back together. ( More about that later). Damn!  It is incredibly lucky that I am a woman that LOVES challenge.
So for tonight, I will just leave you with a quote I saw somewhere online...I wish I knew where. So I am not claiming it is mine. However, I wish I could take credit for it.

" I am building a fire. And every day I train, I add more fuel. And at just the right moment, I light a match".

See what I mean????

I Just Have To Vent

So it is all going pretty well today... postop Day 6 (WOO!) and then I open my email. I am only glad that I did not see this on my phone while driving as it stuck a dagger through my heart.
 My email from the Westin Peachtree Plaza reminding me that my " stay is just a few days away". Actually NO, it is not. Never mind that I made this reservation in NOVEMBER. Never mind that I requested vacation days in DECEMBER.
They tease me with talk of the wonderful night's sleep I would experience on their heavenly bed. The delightful options available on their menu AND the best part is they claim it will be convenient to keep my routine with the WestinWORKOUT. Yeah.OK,well. I guess I don't need to say more.

Nobody told my meniscus about these plans.

May I just say ARRRGGGHHHHH!!  Ok, now I am over it. So happy to vent.
And to think in about a week or so, I just may have a post that has less to do with my knee and more to do with nursing.. Imagine that.

The Road : Post Op Day 5

Ok, so travel has been interrupted on "the Journey" slightly. I am not sure how to describe it other than ....did you ever trip on a sidewalk when you were in a hurry?
Yes, I think it has been a lot like that only incredibly more expensive and annoying. I will not ramble on about pain, you may or may not be familiar with my feelings about that...and anyway that is all about perception.  Yes, perception. That is a great word. Cornerstone of life : Our perception of different events and experiences , and how WE CHOOSE to react to them.

So today is  Post Op Day 5. Day 6 if we count cut day, LOL. Other than feeling strangely tired at random times, I think I feel quite well. I am not sure where the cursed crutches are right now. I last used them on POD #2. So that part is good. Areas that hurt prior to the big day no longer hurt. However  there are some other annoying areas I have multiple questions in reference to for the Bone Man . Hope he is ready...free advice here--- if you have non-medical family members, it is probably a good idea to send them a companion that speaks medical for the postop review with the surgeon. The BabyDaddy seems only to remember "blah,blah,blah you can see her in a few minutes". And of course that " well,the pictures didn't look like the ones of MY knee surgery". Come. On. What was it ? 1999 ?
( I can tell you that he DOES NOT have that kind of recall).

So I continue on the road as I can. I am doing my leg exercises. I am doing my upper body workout...still. But I walk in to do it. And I keep doing it.

The Meniscus Chronicles : A Game Recap With Play by Play Action

------I will begin by inserting this disclaimer, requested by my children who feel "drunk texting" or in this case "vicodin blogging" are activities best contained in Ke$ha songs and not their Mom's blog. That having been said...let's continue.

Well , I am still at home but yesterday was THE DAY. Yes JLa's Big Adventure. Hopefully I am far enough into the medication cycle that I write this in the usual degree of high quality blogging you are used to. See...I still have my sense of humor.
So let me recreate my big day as best I can. Interesting I can use the trail of time stamps from Twitter, Facebook and text messages to assist me. What a trail we leave....

0238 Really? The alarm is set for 0530. I am not surprised,but this is a day I have greatly anticipated so I will not worry about the time.

0315 Let the Facebooking begin. Someone I know is up for sure. I am after all a Night Shift Nurse.

0415 Wow it is still a while until the alarm.

0545 Time to hit the shower and get dressed.

0645 The BabyDaddy has taken me to Bill Miller Barbeque. Seems we must feed the youngest whom I will call "Young Buck". This damn drive-through is not particularly thrilling if you are currently under an  NPO status (nothing by mouth for you non-nurses).

0725 After dropping off Young Buck two hours early for his college summer class ,we arrive at the surgery center. I am beginning to get nervous about being late for my 0730 arrival ,I absolutely HATE to be late you see.

0728 So we park and I hobble with my fifth and sixth extremities to sub-level 100. Thank God I am not late. I really am weird about that and as you may already know,so many things.I sign the clipboard and sit down.

0815 Still sitting. Seems there are a number of us here for maintenance.

0825 Very nice lady has me check my name and date of birth many,many times. The pop quiz begins with what are you here for?Which side? Which surgeon? Initial your answers. Really. Do I look like I just wandered in here for fun?

0830 Follow me to that door, I am taking you back....I Love Her. The words I have waited to hear.

0845 Now the new occupant of Pre-op Bed 7 begins the final checklist. After donning the obligate gown and ugly socks , I enjoy the warm blanket. How many of those have I given out myself? Countless, and it really is quite pleasant. Nurse #1 begins the pop quiz about medical problems, medications, when did I drink,when did I eat, allergies and the like. Have I gotten an EKG prior to coming today? NOT RECENTLY.

0858 or so... I have an EKG. My new friend Nurse # 1 prints it,tears it off and says "wow,yours is better than mine.. it says bradycardia with a rate of 52". Without thinking I immediately answer ,"yeah, I worked hard for that $h..." she laughs and I apologize. You see you can take the nurse out of the ER, but you cannot take the ER out of the nurse. Luckily all nurses realize this. The Bone Man arrives with his own pop quiz,
feels up my knee and leaves promising  he will see me again soon. Next  arrives a boy who identifies himself as Dr.. let us call him Dr. Resident Whoever. He too has questions. Like" what did you do to your knee"? I laugh inappropriately . How much time do you and more importantly I have,boy? ( No, I did not say it out loud).

0900 Nurse#2 has arrived with my next new best friend , Dr. Anesthesia. The questions from 0845 begin again. The answers written by Nurse #1 are the same as these... I discuss my less than thrilled opinion of intubation which it seems she shares for herself as well. She says we could use instead an LMA. I now LOVE HER TOO. During the the pop quiz one of my answers caused Dr.A to ask for an accucheck. I warned them that while I  required no meds anymore due to my long history of positive actions and good choices, it very well might be up as the previous day I had experienced  a brief  episode  of What the Hell.... which to me the big confession was a big piece of French bread with dinner and two sugar cookies. But it felt good getting that off my chest, LOL.

0910 They hand Dr.A a post it note, she looks at me and says "some binge...97 ? You are legit,huh?" (normal to those of you that do not habla accuchecks). Ancef IV is started after Reglan and Pepcid and Versed IV are pushed. Then they say, "Oh wait ,just a few more questions and where is your family?" I say hurry with the questions, LOL.... I did manage to answer,maybe a little slower than usual. And the BabyDaddy arrives for a farewell kiss. At least I think that was him. Things were getting a little fuzzy by then.

0915 I arrive in the OR. I am feeling pretty relaxed after my Vitamin V by now,but wish I had worn my sunglasses. My new girlfriend Dr.A greets me with a "hello again and breath deeply from this mask". And warns me it is going to smell bad soon, but keep breathing deep. I reply in J La fashion " Sure, but there are so many damn lights on in this room I am never gonna..."

1024  I open my eyes to the music of "Anthony's Song" by Billy Joel playing. Not a special song to me particularly, but some of you that know me will understand the significance. Nurse #3 notes I am looking around and greets me. I reposition a bit ( why does it always feel like you are coming off the bed?) and must have made a face. She then asks if I am having pain, I reply " I guess so". She then returns with a syringe to fix that. Yeah, yeah nurses, she questioned me about the  pain scale.Ok... well then ... Nurse#3 Way to Represent for the profession. MUCH BETTER.

1040 After spending these past 15 minutes monitoring my vital signs and EKG from my Dash 3000 over my head,it is determined that I may be graduated to the recliner zone. Nurse #3  agrees. The BabyDaddy returns at this point to give me his medical assessment of the Bone Man's post game review that included many pictures .His non-professional assessment: "Man, your tore the $#&# out of it". Thank You, Criminal Justice Major. And I then receive the bag containing my clothes. That is always a good sign. We are visited by a rep from the fine people that make Cryo-cuffs or whatever it is called now. Funny no one wants MY signature on anything .

1105 As you see very happy to be going  home. They say I may not attend the gym today, I expected as much....but  all in all , I think it went quite well :)

Today there are two words:

1. Versed : ( Midazolam for you non-pros) a benzodiazepine that affects the central nervous system as a depressant. It is an amnesiac that will cause the patient to not remember painful or unpleasant experiences. And to make them stop complaining about bright lights.

2. LMA :a laryngeal mask with a tube and inflatable cuff that is inserted into the pharynx. Used for airway management and anesthesia. In J La's opinion completely superior to an endotracheal tube- look that one up yourself if you are that curious.

Stay tuned readers for Phase Two :the Recovery. AKA The Side Trip off the road of the JOURNEY.

I Hope That's The Finish Line I See

Previously noted here, I do not wait well. Actually to be exact : I. Do. Not. Wait. Well.
It seems the waiting is drawing to an end. Hopefully I will soon return to my membership in the Crutchless Club.
A month is a long time to wait. A month is a long time to use crutches. A month is an eternity to not sweat once you are in the habit.

JLa's Tips to Remember:

1.Avoid injury in the early summer when EVERY sport team starts their season.
2.Avoid injury around federal holidays. These will extend weekends to three and possibly four days,thus extending challenges with appointment scheduling.
3.Possibly the MOST important : Avoid jumping jacks that end in a squat position...at least if you have achieved a certain "well seasoned" age.

Another quote:
"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end"- U LeGuin

The journey continues.....

One of Those Mornings....

This morning I woke up and just didn't want to go. Anywhere. I had a moment where I just thought, what is the point? ( My stupid knee hurt, so that did not help matters). So I waited for about 10 minutes and tried to evaluate what would I accomplish by staying in my bed...
1. My little dog would be VERY happy.
2. ------------------still trying.....

Versus the things that could be achieved by getting up.
1. I can call this woman who has paperwork I NEED. *
2. If I get up ,I can beat the traffic.*
3. If I get up, I can do my previously discussed "PRE-hab"*.
4. I will be doing better, quicker if I get my...well get up and do number 3.*
5. I thought of all the other mornings when it took me at least a few minutes to get it together in the morning. *
6. I can meet my friend who is coming a long way ,and I know she will get up and come.*
7. What am I a quitter??? * Ok,that is all it took.
So I got up.

And it was OK.

So, if there IS a moral to the story, maybe to me it is:
Everyone has a time they just don't feel like it. The true test is when no one is watching, or telling you what to do. Because it is for and about you .
So....you decide. I did.

Today....

Another good day that started early. Completed my "PRE-hab",which I have defined as "the punishment,before the punishment for an injury". But grateful in every way to be doing it.

Have so enjoyed reading all of your many emails,messages,texts etc. You guys are AWESOME !

So I am simply : Embracing Today  :)

Its All In How You Look At It

Today is a pretty good day. Sure I am still waiting ...and waiting. Still using my 5th and 6th extremities (crutches), but I am doing what I can do. Not what I wish I was doing, but nobody ever said the path would be linear. Throughout my life I have often been waiting, for payday,for a trip,for whatever...waiting for "the good part". Pretty scary to think that this could be the good part.
So, I will try to just enjoy every day for what it is. Not going to dwell on limitations and restrictions ,but be grateful for all I am doing. As one of my favorite people says, " its MY 100%". So whatever that is today,that's what I am giving. And then tomorrow ,we RE-calculate .Again :)

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A Quote From Lance (the one in Austin, not the BabyDaddy )

Some of you may know that Lance Armstrong and I competed in the same event a few months ago. Noooo, I never saw him, and I believe he finished the Half in about the time it took me to mess up my ankle and sit by the Wells Fargo Bank waiting on my ride....but that doesn't matter really. Did I mention we competed in the same event ? :) Consider this quote from him :

"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute,or an hour or a day or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place.If I quit ,however it lasts forever. That surrender,even the smallest act of giving up, stays with me. So when I feel like quitting, I ask myself,which would I rather live with?" - Lance Armstrong


Heard part of it before , found the whole quote tonight. Something to think about, don't you think ?          

LOVE, LOVE IT !

Its A New Month !

You know May started out really good. Yeah,yeah full of transitions,but good. And stayed good for a while. And then....well, we don't need to go over all that again right now. We can just say that some of it has been like a rollercoaster. As some of you already know I can be a little emotional at times. Ok,let me insert a space to let you laugh for a moment. [                                  ] Alright  now that you can read again, lets continue.

I think I am getting regrouped so to speak. I have felt so incredibly sad ,just doesn't make sense. I have found that I am actually a lover of routine, stability and momentum. I never had momentum in anything I tried to do in the past. So I guess I have had a real fear of losing "IT". I have a feeling I am not the only one who has experienced that.

I think my improved outlook is directly related to swimming, a return to my journey and goals. Feeling as though I really do continue to make progress. Regardless of the "bumps" along the way.

Who would think some chlorine could do so much ???

Time for a word : Momentum 
Defined as a driving power or strength.


I seriously love these definitions. And in case you wondered , I still have it, I am not going ANYWHERE but forward !

Words To Live By

I have a lot of extra time lately as you know . I seem to think I have a lot to say, some of which gets me in trouble at home... I am greatly affected by endorphins in a positive way, and my "level " is extraordinarily low.That's what brings us back to the talking and trouble.        
This would be,let me see DAY TEN with no workout. But who is counting,right?
Before you think of me as a slacker, I would testify that pain is a powerful thing, and pain that is unrelieved is even more so. ( Nurses ,we should be even more vigilant in pain control for our patients,no matter how vigilant you see yourself..because pain sucks.) However the pain is somewhat improved today,still present but more  manageable. So I am HAPPY.
So...for the words : Faith that it will all work out, Patience to wait for whatever it is I am waiting for and  Strength to stay with the plan and goals .

Oh and just one more word that appeals to me especially right now :

                        UNSTOPPABLE

Simply glance to the left and you will see my awesome new shirt.

Yes ,every one are words to live by.

Update

Hello Mystery Readers,
Well, as a followup to the previous post about changes,here is an update. We have now entered the Extended Illness portion of the ride. Funny ,but 95% of me does not feel ill. And then I try to travel across the room and am reminded of the previously mentioned changes.
I have recently returned from a 0630 trip to our quite large local grocery store,early to avoid crowds when doing something called "toe touch weight bearing". With crutches ! THIS is however a huge improvement over my last experience of This Summer Sucks- 2006 edition. You see I had a walker then. Yes, really. Completely demoralizing. So anyway, my store actually offers a convenient riding device for those with difficulty traveling the aisles. I utilized those during 2006. I would rather crawl through the store than do that again. Don't be worried, things are not at all to that point. I however have very strong feelings about this subject...do you feel me on that?
I suppose I could have sent the BabyDaddy with a list . Yeah,not so much. The beautiful offspring ? Yes, they would go . But in one week ,I feel I have lost my entire routine. And I watched it go. It went while I sat in a chair feeling sorry for myself, angry for stupid things that happen ,and in typical nurse fashion focusing on worst case scenarios. A wasted week swallowing NSAIDS, icing and elevating . And waiting.
I. Do. Not. Wait. Well.
So the grocery trip today is a return to some sort of normalcy . I went because I CAN. And I am glad for that. We should all emphasize more not what we cannot do, but what we CAN do.

I hope you all will.

I Really Like This...

Liking this video in no way should be interpreted that fireworks should not be used with caution and adult supervision...really try to NOT  completely wreck some ER nurse's day,or night .

Changes,Changes,Changes

Well, life like nursing is always changing. In fact that is the ONE ,single thing you can count on.
I have experienced some major changes lately. Some of them I was sure I was well prepared for. And I think I am well prepared to say the least. And then comes the curveball...excuse me I am totally not a baseball person, have no clue why I would reference it in anyway. In fact I am basically a football person living in a basketball town,but I digress.
So I thought I had things pretty well under control. I sort of did.
Entering the more "self directed"  time of year with regard to my fitness goals, I decided to try some new activities. This ultimately did not work out so well. So I sit at the desk now blogging away with ice on my knee,waiting for my doctor's office to call back.Instead of logging my activites completed and cleaning sweat off machines, I am sending emails containing words like "Extended Illness Bank" and the looming "Medical Leave of Absence".
AWESOME!
But it is not all gloom and doom... I will certainly not be stopped by a preliminary evaluation. Man, we nurses are so terrible as patients because we continually consider all the possible things that could be wrong. As a group I think we are a "expect the worst and hopefully be pleasantly surprised" type.
This is where attitude comes in. As nurses if we can do anything,it is keep going whatever is going on. And so it goes in our own lives .
We all face challenges every day, this just happens to be mine right now.I would love for someone to come up with a word ...that I can't seem to do today.Suggestions?

Gratitude

Change . Always a challenge for me and I expect many of us. Sort of a funny thing when your job is always changing and different from moment to moment.
Maybe that is why it is a struggle in the Non-Nurse part of my life.
I have spent several hours a week with a great group of women since last fall ,it has become a huge part of my life. I take from that time many things I have learned from each. And I look forward to the next stage that I am sure we will share .

I am grateful for each of you.

Motivation A.K.A. How Do I keep This Up?

A friend of mine recently asked me " how do I get motivated?" I have thought alot about it and even consulted some close to me to get their thoughts. I don't know how I got motivated really. It started as something that I was convinced was "IT". The answer to all my problems and failures. We all have those as you know. Then I met up with inspiration ,which fuels motivation.
I am very happy when I can succeed at the challenges that are put in front of me. These could be continuing to make healthy choices in eating, staying with the goals for increasing fitness or even making the choice to be positive or happy. Success is measured in many ways... it is not a number. It is not a checklist that you have completed. Sometimes it does not feel like success at all.
Success and the motivation that is needed to continue comes from deep inside yourself. Knowing that you will keep trying regardless of if you see change or improvements. But knowing that the  real change is that you won't quit.

And that it's already within each of us, you just have to be ready to hear it.

I will NEVER be able to do that !

I have thought the statement above so many times. Heard it from others as well. In the nursing world we hear that a LOT.  Either a person is amazed at the tasks we perform daily in the course of our work and tell us, or it is some kind of challenge we as individual nurses face.
Challenges , what I always used to consider problems continue to meet me every day,like all of us. I really am less inclined to accept not meeting these challenges these days. It is really funny how you can change your outlook on things. Do you avoid what is difficult for you, or do you seek it out ? Really what is the point in continuing to do something that you find easy ?
My work life is filled with difficult moments. People that are angry,frustrated and even scared. Very often they want someone to be mad at. That is sometimes me. Being a nurse, but also having also been a mother and a patient I try to keep perspective on this. There are times the day a person meets me is the worst day of their life. It is a day that they never forget, and somehow I remain part of that. And it remains part of me also.
But enough about that ...

My life away from work has been also filled with challenges. I have met many of them successfully the last year or so . Every success seems to make me stronger to face the next. It sounds very dramatic, but it is so rewarding to be able to do something you were certain you never could do because of weight, age, injury, or lets face it just lack of skill or the ever present lack of talent, LOL.
I often think of these as "physical" victories  and the work related as "mental" victories, but it all really comes down to strength and conviction .So they are not very different really.
One of my favorite quotations that I found is :

Strength is a matter of a madeup mind.   -----That is SO awesome !!!

So on the topic of challenges that I struggle to succeed at , one of my biggest has been one at the gym. I tried and failed continually for so long. I tried hard to remain faithful that someday,somehow I would be able to do it at least a little. Well I have recently gotten at least that far :) I don't think anyone knew just how much I have wanted to do it.
Some of you will know it as "elbows and toes" ,others will know it as a "plank". Whatever you call it,let me just say,it is very exciting to do it if you thought never could. I have a lot of those things lately ...

Strength : Mental or physical power,courage to achieve .

I Hate Fiesta

You know, I am trying hard to not spend much time "hating " anything. Boy it's a challenge sometimes. I happen to live in a city with a two week long Fiesta every Spring. I am not from here, so to me it's a time of traffic, lots of ridiculous injuries and drunk people. Oh, did I forget to mention the worst thing about it ? THE FOOD. OK, so the two week period is saturated with all the foods you had at the "Fair", "Carnival" or whatever it is called where you come from. The people I work with make a return to childhood pretty much every day and seem to really enjoy it.  With the exception of one particular item , I can pretty much leave it all.

Planning becomes a huge issue,because :
1.BUSY at work due to drunk people, carnival food and the previously mentioned ridiculous injuries.
2. The hospital cafe closes early to recognize the significance of the festivities mentioned above.( But I don't like their options anyway).
3.My Subway is across the damn parade route.
4. I am probably not going to actually leave the floor for 30 minutes anyway. Remember "ridiculous injuries".

So I will be dragging in the grocery bag with seemingly  enough supplies for the Duggar family, but no it's just for me and my twelve hours of heaven. Another problem with nursing and eating properly is the time constraints. So, I have found what works is multiple items that can be eaten standing at the nurse's station ,( I know, I know...you find a better way). And if it can fit in a styrofoam coffee cup, all the better.  Then of course, you have to eat. This has been a problem lately for me. Which then caused me problems in other areas of my life that I prefer to NOT to have problems in. Some readers will understand this statement, if you don't...do not be concerned.

So just to wrap this up, today's word is :

CORN DOG : which is defined as a frankfurter dipped in cornmeal batter before being fried in hot oil. Usually served on a stick.




My final thought :
Please make Fiesta end soon.

The Satisfaction of Sweat

I am off soon to work all night... have not been there a lot this week, so I really can't complain . I have had an awesome day already, so I will make it through whatever the night holds in store for me.

But to get back to the title of this "rant". I would never have believed anyone that said I would set my alarm for 0530 ( so I can eat ) ,leave my house at 0645 ,and travel twenty miles across my city to attend a bootcamp by 8am .This place has become  one of my favorite places anywhere.  I actually have been doing just that for a while... and LOVE it. An hour  or sometimes two :) spent with friends working harder than I ever thought I would or could . Just an amazing satisfaction in pushing yourself beyond what you think you are capable of. And I continue to be inspired by each person that is involved. We all have different backgrounds ,ages, challenges and experiences that we bring.  But when we are together ,the differences seem to disappear as we work toward  a common  goal.

So today the word I am thinking of is : Satisfaction
Simple definition actually : fullfillment, gratification ,contentment.


Satisfaction...and a LOT of sweat.

Just a Thought ...

Wow, what a great day. I seem to have a lot of those ...maybe I just look for what is good . I didn't always do that . Experiencing that good kind of tired. I have a lot of that too lately. It is completely different to end the day tired from making a difference in your own life , or falling into bed exhausted because today was just like every other day.

You have time for what you make a priority.

We are all capable of so much more than we ever thought was possible.

Blog : Day 3

Be very careful in what button you pick. Delete is very ,very close to publish.

How Do I Start ???

I am convinced that 90% of change is just in getting started. Why did it take me SO long to start ? Beats me. I wish I knew. I wish I had started sooner believe me. But ... I did start and thats what is important, for me or anyone.

I spent a lot of years going to work ( 12 hour nights) ,coming home,taking a shower and getting into my bed. Until it was time to do it all over again. I bet we all know people just like that. I was convinced that I was just " so tired" and could not possibly do anything else. Plus a night off was of course preceded by a day that I was already " so tired". Did not get much done. And just got bigger.

I had a bizarre idea in October of 2009 . I saw that there was a 5K and 1 Mile fun run/walk scheduled at the grounds of our local professional teams' arena. I thought, WOW, that would be cool if I did the mile . Walk, of course . So I set out to TRAIN. Yeah, really. I got out in my car and measured a mile in my neighborhood. Didn't look that far. Pretty quick in a car. That was enough for that day, I was going after it the very next morning. So out I went at about 0500---typical night-shifter, tied into my shoes, Ipod on. Well, 27 minutes later I returned to my house near death I thought. Sweaty, wheezing, seriously . Damn, that was farther than I thought ! And my neighborhood it seems, is much more hilly that I ever realized. But somehow I went again the next day. Same results... but I kept going.
How did the mile event go? I actually chickened out that morning. Said I didn't feel well, well yeah, thats the point ! But that thankfully was not the end of the beginning of change.

This brings me today's word:

Perseverance : Continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulty , failure or opposition.

( Also very cool , right?) 

I also just realized that I think I stole this word thing ....may need a disclaimer soon. But at least she knows I was listening  all this time :)   

How Did I Get Here ?

I am a nurse . This means I spend a great deal of time taking care of other people. I guess I never thought of at what cost to myself. Nurses as a general rule get a lot of satisfaction from taking good care of their patients. Why do we do so little to take care of ourselves ?
In 16 years I have worked in a variety of settings in the hospital. A place where "healthy" should be a standard.
Interestingly there is a great percentage of nurses who have been smoking for years, eating terrible food and continuing to gain weight. All at the time we as a group tell our patients how they should take care of themselves.
Weird, huh?
I can't judge what others do, but I can see them doing things I did, and I know how it turned out.
I am traveling down a the path to change... I have gone quite a few "miles" already, but it is a long and ever changing trip. I really don't know what got me to 358 pounds , but I can say what has changed to get me to 277 so far...

Tonight's Word :

CHANGE : to make something different from what it is , or what it would be if left alone.

( That's awesome ,isn't it ?)